My heart hurts today.
Nothing necessarily bad has happened…so maybe it’s silly.
It seems everyone I know is having babies. And I want to rejoice. I want to hold their babies and tell my friends how awesome motherhood is and what a blessing my kids are.
But all I can think is that 2 of my kids are missing.
My mind becomes consumed with grief. And then guilt…there you are again…
I feel like the most selfish person on the planet. I mean, this is MY FAULT. I chose abortion. Then, a few years later, I chose permanent birth control.
SO. MUCH. REGRET.
Last night I was searching my memory about something, and I said to my husband “Was that before or after my abortion?” And then I broke down.
You never look ahead to your life and think that’s a question that will ever come out of your mouth.
In the next 24 hours, around 4000 women will do what I did. You will convince yourself that it’s no big deal, kill your child and permanently break your own heart.
A mother protects her children….and I didn’t…and today, the pain seems unbearable.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5