will it ever get easier?
My heart hurts today.
Nothing necessarily bad has happened…so maybe it’s silly.
It seems everyone I know is having babies. And I want to rejoice. I want to hold their babies and tell my friends how awesome motherhood is and what a blessing my kids are.
But all I can think is that 2 of my kids are missing.
My mind becomes consumed with grief. And then guilt…there you are again…
I feel like the most selfish person on the planet. I mean, this is MY FAULT. I chose abortion. Then, a few years later, I chose permanent birth control.
SO. MUCH. REGRET.
Last night I was searching my memory about something, and I said to my husband “Was that before or after my abortion?” And then I broke down.
You never look ahead to your life and think that’s a question that will ever come out of your mouth.
In the next 24 hours, around 4000 women will do what I did. You will convince yourself that it’s no big deal, kill your child and permanently break your own heart.
A mother protects her children….and I didn’t…and today, the pain seems unbearable.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
I’m with you sister. The pain never goes away even knowing that you are forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ. I think we are left with that pain so that we can try to reach others that are contemplating or that have already gone through it and we can empathize with them. It’s comforting to know that we will 1 day be reunited with the children that we chose to lose. Love and prayers coming your way, my sister in Christ.
Love you. Praying.
I understand where your coming from had 2 abortions and now have 3 kids it’s heartbreaking to think that they are missing out on growing up without their siblings….but God is SO gracious to forgive and heal our hearts
Hi Kelly,
What a powerful story you shared from your day yesterday. I am sorry for your pain. Thank you so much for speaking up and keeping others from it. I never realized till a year or two ago how prevlant abortion was and now it is sometimes all I can think abut. I wonder if my three little ones cause other women pain fort this reason and if that is why they do not smile at us. I Retweeted your story and will follow you now so others may find you. I may even blog about this today.
Hey Kelly,
You have such a beautiful heart. I’ve never had an abortion, but I miscarried 2 babies back-to-back. Like you I do miss them all the time. God blessed me with a baby girl a few months back. I’m so grateful for her. But no ammount of children can ever take the place of the ones I lost, no matter how I lost them. Recently I saw an interview with the parents who wrote the book “Heaven is For Real” about their son who died, went to heaven, then came back. He told his mother that he had met his sister in heaven. She told him he didn’t have a sister. But he kept claiming he did. It dawned on her later that she had lost a baby before her son had been conceived. She DID have a daughter – and she was waiting for her family to join her in heaven! I bawled my eyes out when I saw that interview. Kelly, like so many babies(wanted or not) your little ones are safe in the arms of Jesus. They are cheering you on and want you to live your life for Christ so they can see you again one day. I know mine are waiting for me. I hope this helps encourage and bless you. God bless!
Dearest Kelly,
Please remember how powerful is your testimony for good. Two years ago I hadn’t a thought of abortion or the women who’d suffered them. After a website had recorded women’s testimonies of their abortion experiences, it broke my heart, and I started crying knowing the courage it took for them to talk about this. I was filled with an inspiration to give my own efforts to this most noble effort. But you dear Kelly are among the leaders who touch the heart and remind us of the pain and misery we’ve allowed to be legalized. Since then I am 100% with the Pro-LIfe movement. As a baby boomer, I feel we boomers must help end abortion, since we are a huge group and we have allowed this horrible deceit into our country. Please remember all things work together for good to them that love God. God has His loving purpose for you. He wants you to know how much He loves you. Lean on God’s love for you… trust in it Kelly. He will give you joy… He will wipe away all your tears. God is love. Ann
Hi Kelley. I just finished reading a wonderful book about a young woman who God placed in a trance for days here on earth while He allowed her to travel to Heaven and Hell. The story is the account of the things she learned of salvation and redemption and what they truly mean. It is the first Heaven “experience” book I’ve read where the explanation of what happens to babies and infants when they pass from Earth to Heaven. It is an amazing book called “Nine Days in Heaven” and this took place in 1848. Please get a copy. I believe it will bless you tremendously. And yes, the Cross of Christ and His death on it has totally covered and removed any penalty from your past actions. God bless you1