#ihadanabortion and i hate myself
This week has been a complete hell.
Someone asked if I had heard about the doctor in Orlando who has been in a lot of trouble, and when I searched for news about it, I realized it was James Pendergraft, the doctor who did my abortions. He has now had his medical license suspended for the FOURTH time, this time for performing late term abortions past the time when they are legal.
When I saw a picture of the clinic, I crumbled. When I saw a picture of the doctor, I began weeping and I couldn’t stop.
Every sight, every sound, every feeling came back. I can still remember the poster on the ceiling. It was the last thing I saw before I fell asleep from the anesthesia, and the first thing I saw when I woke up.
The article was full of stories about women like me…ones who have suffered for months, even years, because of incomplete abortions.
There was a woman who was awake and saw her baby being pulled from her as his body fell apart in the doctor’s hands. They had her frantic 911 call as she decided she wanted the baby to live after seeing that it actually IS a baby, but no one at the clinic would help. By the time the ambulance arrived, the baby was dead.
It’s an uncomfortable subject…because if I call it a baby, if I admit that it was a boy or a girl who had 10 fingers and 10 toes and a life that was already mapped out by God, then I am calling myself a killer. If I talk about it, blog about it, pray about it, then that makes it real.
But just when I think I’ve pushed the memories far enough behind that they won’t catch up with me, there they are again.
The self-hatred is paralyzing. It lurks closely and tells me that I don’t deserve happiness. The guilt is suffocating. It has affected every relationship I have. I can’t trust or attempt intimacy.
I would take a bullet for my out-of-the-womb children. Why didn’t I protect the ones inside?
I have given up hope that the past could have been different. I cannot change what I did. Every bible study, counseling session, and prayer seems to just be a band-aid over a wound that will NEVER heal.
So, I will be a voice for my children who only know heaven. I will be a voice for the millions of women who live in regret, guilt, self-hatred and fear of being “found out”. I will be painfully honest about every feeling I have, and I will stand up for life even when it’s unpopular and politically incorrect. So, please spare me your pro-life/pro-choice arguments. I know what I saw. I know how I feel. I will NEVER be the same. I will NEVER get over it.
And if I don’t take this pain and make it my purpose, I think it might kill me.
I am proud to call you my sister and will stand beside you as you share your pain and heartbreak and watch as hundreds come out and stand with you. You are surely not alone and God will use everything that was meant to destroy you and use it to bring life and healing to others. Love you!
When we understand that He has forgiven us, do we have the right not to follow His example and do the same? Do we believe that the Miracle-worker can heal a self-wounded heart no matter how broken it is? He is glorified as we choose the truth that He forgives and heals when we have first sorrowed over our sin. It is only when we allow Him to complete His work of healing in us, that He is truly glorified in us. The alternative is to believe the lie that He cannot cleanse us from all unrighteousness. In that lie, He is not glorified and the enemy wins.
you’re right Barbara…thank you
What a beautiful voice for life! Thank you for your boldness, courage and truth. God loves and adores you. He finds you faithful in this time, and He will bring restoration and healing as only He can do… but your voice is so precious and needed in this generation. You sharing like this will make others able to share, and these truths will then change hearts. Hugs and prayers for you dear one.
Kelly, Hey ! Wow, you have done the Brave thing in a Christians life, called ” Transparency”. It takes alot of courage (in the Lord) to reveal such pain and deep wounds ! I am soo proud of you for being obedient to the Call on your life to make a difference and change the world around you so that others will see that Jesus is a God of love, forgiveness, second chances, compassion, redemption, and sooo much more ! I have realized thru these last few years, that we have been given as His children, Ministries for certain reasons that He only knows, to share with others around us that we serve a mighty God who can indeed change our lives for the better, in order to teach us His TRUTHS, and comfort those because of what we have gone thru in our own lives. Sharing like you have, takes the power away from the devil and fuels the power of the Holy Spirit to do Mighty things in your life and the lives that he will bring into your life to minister in this way ! I am so proud of you and I am praising our GOD that He is so Awesome and has a plan for all this pain we face !!! Love U
Yes, we NEVER be the same, because we NEVER will do the same, and we FOREVER have has a chance to have compassion for them who still lives in this suffering, condemnation, for those little hearts who needs to be saved, from early death, from pain and fear through that.
I believe that He wants heal your heart to the deepest corner, because in Him is no shade, only light.
It came slowly in my live and had a many days, months, years of tears. I imagine his look, his age….till day when I got my word. Pastor and his wife who prayed for me, told that a godly christian men saw a vision that those children who went to Heaven through abortion, they prays about their moms. There is nothing more what I could imagine, because it’s He “love them who do evil for you”, “pray for them”.
From this day I accepted God’s forgiveness and my child’s forgiveness and this was begining… when I cry now, I cry for those girls, womens who need take a decision today, for those kids who so badly wish feel love and hands of their moms.
I believe when we talk with women who now is on the way to take decision, our children stays in militant prayers and they gets up with us.
He have a word, special for your complete healing! God bless you a lot! People need to hear you, thank you be courageous to share!
Kelley,
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} I’m a stranger to you…a friend of Laurie’s. I wanted to take the time to thank you for writing this. I spent an entire day this past week debating with someone on why abortion should not be a choice. Thank you for speaking out…that takes courage and I’m sure it brings back feelings and emotions that you’d rather not feel.
You just said some things that I could never put into words because I’ve never lived through it what you have lived through. I think God can greatly use your testimony for His glory and the protection of other babies…and women! We mustn’t forget the women who are harmed by abortion!
I hope and pray you can forgive yourself soon!
In His Service,
Michelle Schultz
Hi Kelly,
You’re in a unique position to save hundreds and perhaps thousands of children through your testimony. I do believe that those who turn to God for healing will be reunited and reconciled with their lost children. That’s an important message to post-abortive women; they need a message of salvation rather than condemnation. Matthew 9:13 — “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” God bless you.
I can understand that your pain might not go away.
But I really hope you don’t hate yourself.
God loves you, and your worth as a human being does not depend on anything you have done. Your worth is being made in the image and likeness of God.
Christ loved you enough to die for you, I hope that you can love yourself even if, at this stage, it’s only because he does.
God allows all manner of evil and suffering in this world. Because a lot of that evil and suffering can be transformed into something good. You’ve already started by talking about what happened. Now hopefully that when you see the results of the good you’ve done, I hope that this will help you love yourself again. God thinks you’re worthy. Just remember that at all times. He thinks you’re worthy, so you don’t have to live up to your human standards, you can live up to God’s, and for God, being your own person is enough to be worthy of love.
“And if I don’t take this pain and make it my purpose, I think it might kill me.”
Then make it your purpose! Sometimes it takes one person making one mistake to keep thousands of others from making the same mistakes. Good for you for speaking out. If you speak out, then maybe others will come forward and speak out, and thanks to you, the truth about abortion will be known.
I know it is hard not to hate oneself for mistakes. It’s easy to say “Please don’t hate yourself” but not so easy to stop. I don’t know how young you were when you had your abortion, but I read somewhere that even in our young 20′s we can be swayed to do things we instictively know are wrong, like children, and it is because that part of our mental faculties that keeps us on track with our morals and values is not yet fully developed, even at 20+. A lot of young adults make bad decisions and then wonder why? I’ve made bad decisions in the past too.
This is why it is so important for society as a whole to have good morals, to make it easier for the young ones coming out into the world. Unfortunately, this is not the case and I imagine you were told abortion was for the best, you were perhaps even pushed into it, as many women are? You were surely told it wasn’t a baby, and any number of other lies that abortion clinics tell their patients.
Your baby doesn’t hate you.
If it helps, you can put him/her in this memorial. http://www.memorialfortheunborn.org/tabid/55/default.aspx
Hugs.
(((hugs)))
I stumbled across your blog this morning and want to tell you sister in Christ, keep writing. I also am in recovery from a past abortion and have been using my words to help bring healing to my soul, and pray that it helps others. Know that you are not alone in this pain and it’s only through God’s grace and mercy that we will stand beside him in heaven some day and be introduced to the children we gave back to him before we ever knew them.
Praying for healing in your heart.
If you are interested in hearing my story I’m at http://www.facingthe secret.blogspot.com
Coral
I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain.
“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), was Jesus’ prayer from the cross, for those who killed God Himself. If He can forgive them, He can surely forgive you.
But it’s hard in our humanness to really believe and accept that. That’s why Jesus left us with the healing sacrament of Reconciliation. I found a good article explaining what it is, its history, its significance, for whom, and how, as well as a story of personal experience (from someone who grew up Protestant): http://www.ancient-future.net/reconciliation.html . I encourage you to read about it, pray, and take steps to take advantage of this great gift of grace that brings unbelievable peace and healing.
God bless you.
Your children are in heaven. No pain. No tears. No hate. They are sitting in the lap of their heavenly Father. Christ loves you unconditionally. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I pray for continued healing for you. Thank you for sharing your heart. I applaud your bravery.
The point that you – and the rest of the anti-choicers out there – seem to be missing is that while you regret your choice, it was YOUR choice to make – so while I respect that you may not make the same choice again, your choices, frankly, have absolutely NOTHING to do with mine, or any other woman’s.
There is no choice. This is a life, this is a baby who will never see the light of day, never smile, laugh, play in the sunshine. The media has deluded people into thinking this is a choice. Picking which color shirt to wear is a choice. Killing an innocent sweet baby is not.
Not baby. Fetus. It is an indisputably legal CHOICE. She made a CHOICE. That is how she successfully aborted her pregnancy. You’re in denial simply because you do not agree with it being a choice.
Shayna,
but you do have a choice. Long before anyone decides to abort a child, they decide to to kiss, they decide to take off their clothes, they decide not to take precautions, they decide to….I’ll let you fill in the rest. They make many choices, any number of which would have prevented life from happening. Although I hope one day that Roe vs Wade is overturned, the legality of abortion is immaterial. The question is larger than mere legality and you can’t legislate morality. The real question is: Once you have chosen to create a life, do you have the right to end it? Why is OK to kill a baby in the womb at 9 months but not at 1 day or 1 month out of the womb? What is the difference mentally, emotionally, and legally? Do you believe that life is an unalienable right, as stated in the Declaration of Independence? (An unalienable right is one that does not have to be proven in a court of law, cannot be surrendered, sold or transferred, e.g., you have an unalienable right to breathe, unlike an inalienable right, which can be taken away.)
There are many big lies in the abortion movement. One of the biggest is the concept of a fetus. Ask any 4 year old and they will tell you that a woman is having a baby, not a fetus. Calling a child a choice, only makes the killing easier to accept. Whether abortion is made legal or illegal by the courts, is again immaterial…a mother who decides to kill her child has to live with this reality for the rest of her life and an innocent child is dead (a new living being who was half her).
Many people in the “pro-choice” movement believe that the “pro-life” movement is attacking them or trying to take something away from them. Nothing can be farther from the truth. They are trying to keep you from making a bad decision…one the you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Have you ever had to put a pet down? Have you ever had to see some die? Can you imagine the feelings that you could have later in life when you learn that the “tissue” in the womb was really a person, a person who was half you?
Another flaw in the “Choice” argument is: why can’t the father decide whether he wants the mother to have an abortion or not? The baby is half his DNA? What if he disagrees with the mother? Why does he not have a “Choice?” Legally, he is just as responsible for that child, ask any father, especially those that pay child support.
I believe that many women who believe in abortion have been misled. I will go farther and say that they have been duped. Follow the money….Have you ever asked what happens to the aborted baby? Look into it. The cost of an abortion does not cover the medical fees involved, so where do the abortionist make there money? The answer is quite simple, they sell the baby parts. That’s the dirty little secret of why there is such a large pro-abortion lobby. It’s about money and many women have been duped into this concept by calling abortion “Choice” when in reality it is the killing of innocent babies.
I know my words sound a bit harsh, but my argument does not attack you or anyone who makes the abortion decision. It saddens me when they do, but I have no ill-will for those who do. I am sorry for them, because I know what they are going to have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives. I have spoken to many who have had abortions, and they are hurt, angry, depressed (beyond belief and some have committed suicide over it).
We can call it “Choice” all we want, but I ask that you peel back the layers of the onion. Talk to those who have had abortions, speak to those who regret it as well as those who haven’t. Talk to those who had their abortion 10-20 years ago, and then come back to this board and report what you found. Maybe nothing you hear will change your mind, but I believe that if you look with an open mind, you will find things quite a few very disturbing things.
By the way, I am not a lawyer, I am not a pastor, not a counselor. I do not belong to any pro-life group. I am only a father.
Hi I used to believe in abortion until I had two girls of my own. After that I looked at a video of Partial Birth Abortion. Wow was that an eye opener for me. I dont know of an answer for girls in this position but abortion is one hell of a step into darkness. Notice I refrained from saying the wrong direction because everyone should decide for themselves after looking at the video I mentioned. Personally I could never do this but thats me.
Shayna, you bring up an important point. Truth is not subjective. It is objective.
I am a Christian & I believe that many women make much of themselves & not enough of the Words of the One who gave them their life & the life of the infant He allowed to be conceived in their womb. Did you know that the Bible says that God knows us BEFORE He forms us in the womb? It’s true! (Read Jeremiah 1:5) Children are a gift from the Lord. (Ps 127:3) Do you realize what this means? It means that YOU were not an ‘accident’, but a purposeful gift of God to your mother & father. That is pretty amazing & wonderful, don’t you think, Shayna? God also has given you & I a conscience, which tells us right from wrong. His Law, the 10 commandments, is written on your heart. It is not a matter of what you ‘believe’ or what I ‘think’ that is important. What matters most is what God SAYS. The 6th commandment is “You shall not murder”. God’s Word is final. Did you know that when you violate any of God’s commandments, you are guilty of SIN, whether you believe it or not? The Bible says that sin is transgression of His Law. Did you know that sexual immorality (sex outside the covenant of marriage) is a damnable sin? God says that no fornicator (the word for a sexually immoral person) has any inheritance in the kingdom of heaven. He declares that all murderers have their place in the lake of fire. These are not negotiables, Shayna. These are eternal truths. Unless you repent (confess & forsake all of your sin) & cast yourself upon the mercy of God’s Son, Jesus Christ, you will be judged & punished for every thought, word & deed that was against His commandments. Only by trusting in Christ, whose Blood covers the sins of the penitent believer, can you be forgiven. Our desire is that you might be saved, Shayna & that you would live a life that glorifies Jesus Christ & that you spend eternity with Him after you die. We don’t want you to perish in your sins. Please, get a Bible & read it today. If you would like me to send you one, I would be happy to do so.
Shayna, I do hope that God can shine HIS light through that cloud that is hovering over you. What bothers me about the beliefs of yourself and those of your ilk is that you call yourselves “Pro Choice”. And throughout your propoganda, you purposely label Pro Lifers as “Anti Choice”. If you see that as a truth, than the same can be said by Pro Lifers that “Pro Choicers” are in fact “Anti Life”! Such is also the truth!
I wasn’t given an informed choice. I was told my babywas a “bunch of cells” so it was okay to have an abortion. I was so scared and angry. I wanted to believe them. If they had told me exactly what my baby was doing inside of me I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I clung onto the belief it was only cells to go through with my choice. I can’t speak for all women’s experience but that was mine. I, also, believe that my counsellor thought she was telling me the right thing but she really didn’t know me. If she knew me then wouldn’t have told me it was only cells because she would have known that while I tried to talk tough, inside I really just wished my life was safer so I could have my baby.
After the abortion, I suffered from depression for many years and was paranoid during my later pregnancies that I would be punished for being a bad mother. I was so scared that my babies would be sick or deformed because I hated what I did. I was pressured at the woman’s clinic to make a quick decision because I didn’t have much time. My older sister had an abortion when she was younger and encouraged me to have one. I had recently became brave enought to leave my abusive boyfriend and was devastated that I was pregnant with his child. I did not want to be attached to him forever. He had become scarey and mean. His family was unstable as is my family. No one offered to help me keep the baby, just to get rid of the baby. I wanted help but I had no one to lean on. SO, I did what I thought was “responsible”. I got pregant in June and had the abortion in September. My baby was not a bunch of cells. I believed I could not ask help from the local Christian organizations because they would have hated and judged me. I wasn’t ready to come back to God yet.
When I became pregnant the second time and kept my baby, I read pregnancy week by week and all of the other pregnancy books. My baby was around14-16 weeks along.
http://www.4dultrasoundvideos.com/link.php?url=—-://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O77Tj8A4ezc&feature=youtube_gdata
I have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life. I believe that those of us who believe we have made a mistake are obligated to stop as many others from doing the same with education. It is the voice of the grieving mothers that will sway people’s opinions.
I can’t force someone to believe as I do because we all have free will, but I hope by sharing this I can change one person’s opinion. Or give strength to one person, it will be hard to go through with the pregnancy but living with your decision to abort your baby will also be hard, harder than you think. There are people who will help you if you ask. You may feel alone but you’re not and if you don’t think it’s right to do it, then don’t do it.
For the people who are Pro-choice, don’t be afraid when people start talking about God and judgement. Some people are just harsher than others and are afraid. Many have good intentions and don’t realize they are probably scaring you. Now, if you are scared about what they are saying then ask yourself, “Why?” Are you scared or angry because part of you thinks that they are right? That’s how I felt for a time. Remember anything that comes from God will be full of unconditional love. I know I won’t convince hard core pro-choicers but I hope to sway people who are sitting on the fence like I was.
Oh Shanya, It’s not about what side your on. It’s about the life of a baby growing stronger every day in a mothers womb … Everyone knows if there is a heart beat there is life. With in the womb a developing child growing. This is not a flower growing or a tree it’s a person. That little person has a destiny. No one has the right to be God. No one has the right to be judge and jury over innocents.
I know many woman who considered aborting, than didn’t. Each one couldn’t imagine their lives with out their children. One friend says her daughter saved her life. I know mine did.. 3-D sonograms are the window into the womb. How can anyone still in this day and time knowing and seeing the truth in the perfection of the process of a living person.. It’s a glimpse into creation. Babies are such a miracle and bring such joy and unconditional Love. Please lets not ever be so flippant to dis guard them without more consideration. Abortion is a violent way to die. These babies feel the pain of limbs being pulled off and some slowly burned alive till they are dead.. This is so wrong.. We seem to care more about saving animals. Shouldn’t we all care more to save our children? Let’s take our heads out of the sand and consider how crazy abortion is… We as a society have to live out the consequences of our actions.. There are no easy answers. Killing the innocent hurts mommy and baby.. The one who should be protecting the baby is the one who pays to have it killed.. Not too many men or woman can live with that reality..
Most just stop living deep within themselves.. the day their baby dies because of the mothers choice.. A piece of her dies along with her baby out of guilt and Love.. This is not a right or left issue, it was my life and so many others. We live it.. that’s how we know.
You can delete this, I just wanted you to read it.
I had an abortion too.
Not late term, though, and I understand that must have been heartbreaking.
I don’t want to say you don’t regret it. As you say, you know how you felt and how you feel. Not me.
But I know how I feel.
I feel this is a life or death choice. But a choice nonetheless. I think forced abortion is just as wrong as forced birth.
I feel I did the right thing by not bringing a child into this world when I had no means of caring for it.
I feel that in order to provide a better life for my future children, I needed to ensure this one wasn’t born and didn’t suffer.
I feel I did what was best for my family.
Thousands of women have had abortions…and every single one f us feels differently about it. Some regret it, some don’t. Some wish it had never happened. Some just feel it was supposed to.
I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to belittle your feelings or thoughts, I know they are powerful.
So please don’t belittle mine.
I hope in your effort for life you are encouraging better sex-education, easier access to birth control, and overall promoting good healthcare for women who choose to continue their pregnancies. I hope you help millions.
But I also hope you don’t stop others from doing what might be best for them.
Thank you for reading this.
“But I also hope you don’t stop others from doing what might be best for them.”
If you believe in God, there is no time that abortion is “best for them”.
Isn’t much easier to simply recognize abortion is wrong, acknowledge the sovereignty of God, and be healed?
Do you really believe in your heart of hearts that there will be no reckoning one day for the women who have aborted and not repented, and for the men who paid for abortions and never changed their mind about it?
So, I had a beautiful answer to you, Jim. It was all about you judging others and what a shame that is, and about it’s people like you who have placed such a terrible stigma on any subject you are uncomfortable with.
But I decided I don’t have to answer to you.
God will judge me. Your judgment is irrelevant, in fact, even silly because you are a nobody.
If God is as good and great as He is supposed to be, He won’t tell me what I did was wrong. He will know my reasons, my thoughts, and my feelings.
Have a nice life worrying about others morals and never once considering your own.
Hey Annie, what would say if a man were to rape you & afterwards say:
“I won’t deny she was a human being, just as you won’t deny everyone always has a choice. If God is as good and great as He is supposed to be, He won’t tell me what I did was wrong. He will know my reasons, my thoughts, and my feelings. I made a choice to rape her, and I did the right thing.” ??
“Do you really believe in your heart of hearts that there will be no reckoning one day for the women who have aborted and not repented, and for the men who paid for abortions and never changed their mind about it?”
if this is the case, Jim, why don’t you leave it to us to handle, k?
in the meantime, you’re just hurting more and more women like Kelly by insisting upon their suffering. this woman needs to heal, so let her already! sitting around telling her she’s a murderer, killer, etc, is not going to help her come to terms with this and move past it. and before you say “but i never said that”, remember, every time you equate ANY of us women who have had abortions with murderers and baby killers, you ARE saying that to her as well. it’s the one link she has with the rest of us: she had one too. every ugly thing you sling at us is hitting HER every step of the way.
no effing wonder the poor woman still hurts.
Good on you.
A woman going in for an abortion does not know what’s best for her. As a married woman in my late twenties with a professional degree one would think that I would know what was best for me…yeah…7 years later I realized that the mental breakdown I had was the result of my abortion. As I lay there on the surgery table, crying and telling the abortionist “I have no other choice,” do you think he offered another choice? NO. It’s NOT pro-choice…it’s pro-abortion…400 dollars “cash up front.” After hospitalization in a psychiatric unit and over twenty treatments of electroconvulsive therapy, I have suffered unbearable pain and remorse over my “choice.” …and it’s one hundred percent erroneous to believe that a frightened unwed teenage girl under coercion by her parents or boyfriend is exercising her “freedom of choice.” As a sidewalk minister at “my” abortion clinic, well over 90 percent of the cases I see are women in this particular scenario.
Annie,
You said, “I feel I did the right thing by not bringing a child into this world when I had no means of caring for it.” The way you wrote it, it seems as if you felt that it was the best option for you. Did you not consider adoption, then, when there are couples willing to take in a child? You said you feel it was the right thing, but is your feeling in line with what is truly right? I have heard this argument before, that as long as it “feel” right, it must be right. Unfortunately, our emotions not always a reliable guide as to what is objectively right and wrong. Sometimes they are on track, and sometimes they are not. I’ll admit that there are many situations in my life where emotionally I felt good but spiritually, I was not and sooner it later it took the joy out of my “happiness.” It happens to all of us. I am of the belief that no matter how deeply buried these inner conflicts are, all of us can recognize them even if we try our hardest to deny them. Have you considered that possibility in your spiritual life, Annie?
One more thing. When we are taught not to judge people, it means that we should not pass final judgement on a person’s eternal destiny, as deathbed conversions of hardned sinners have happened, and virtuous people may succumb to last-ditch temptations. That does not, however, stop us from judging an objectively sinful act as such, no matter what the motives or intents of the participant are. I am sorry if you feel otherwise, but no intention can eliminate culpability for a sinful act if it is committed with full knowledge and consent; at most it may only be mitigated (but the guilt remains nonetheless). Sounds harsh, but God never said He (or any of us, for that matter) won’t be harsh if it is warranted.
I hope that you will come to the realization of the true repercussions of your abortion. May you be guided by the Holy Spirit in this.
Adoption, in my case, wasn’t possible. Continuing the pregnancy would have lost me everything I had worked for in my life, everything. I would have lost all of my scholarships, I might even have been forced to push college back a semester or two. If I ever want to be able to support, love, and care for a family in the future, I need to graduate A.S.A.P.
As for my spirtual life, don’t you worry. I know, deep in my heart, mind, and soul that I did what was best. For my future children.
I won’t deny that it is a child, just as you won’t deny that everyone always has a choice. Some are just more legal than others.
I tend to be a fairly sensible and normal person. My friend, were you to meet me on the street, not knowing the choice I made, I daresay you would be predisposed to think I was an intelligent and personable character.
I am not Christian. I do not belong to any specific religion. I do believe in a God, though he must have a different sense of values than yours, for my God views the world as a big picture, in which sometimes there are small evils that sometimes prevent the large ones.
I believe in choices. Forced birth is just as bad as forced abortion.
I want everyone to stop making every woman feel like they are forever condemned to Hell or where ever for this one choice in their life, never taking into respect all the other ‘good’ choices they have and will make (possibly because of their choice here.)
I think abortion is a private choice, and the only reason I’m speaking out for choice is because I’m being shamed by people (not you, per se) without them ever knowing I made a choice.
I made a choice, and I did the right thing.
Annie, God has given us a prophesy. He has declared that all “murderers have their place in the lake which burns with fire & brimstone.” (Revelation 21:8) God’s prophesies are 100% true. They never fail. Ever. Unless you repent, you will spend eternity in hell. We tell you this out of love for you & for the infant you slaughtered. We also tell you this out of love for the children God may allow you to conceive in the future. We tell you this because we want to point you to the only One who can forgive you for all of the ways in which you have violated God’s commandments (which are not burdensome). Did you know that sex outside marriage is also a damnable sin? It is called ‘fornication’. The Bible declares that no sexually immoral person has any inheritance in the kingdom of heaven. (Ephesians 5:5) Maybe no one has ever told you this, Annie, but when you die you will be judged for every wicked thought, word & deed. Did you know that? God designed you AND your baby. He created you AND your baby. He sustains you & He rules over you. Humble yourself & cry out to Him to save you, Annie. Do it today. We are not promised tomorrow. God has provided a way for wicked sinners like you & me to be saved from the penalty (hell) & the POWER of sin in our soul (we are BORN with a sin nature). Do you know what He did? He sent His only begotten Son, who lived a pure, sinless life, to die on the Cross to take the punishment for those who genuinely repent (confess & forsake all of their sin) & believe upon Christ. That is the gospel of life & eternity! You cannot make up for murdering your baby or for any of the other evil things you have done, but you can be forgiven & made new through repentant faith in Jesus. Please, Annie, stop justifying your sin & cry out to the Savior today. Read the Bible, for it is the Word of God. If you don’t have a Bible but would like a one, I would love to send one to you.
I refuse to answer someone who quotes the Bible without pausing to consider those passages were written by men, not God.
My friend, the passages in the Bible were voted on long ago in what is now known as the country of Turkey during a convention of Bishops, including St. Nicholas.
It is a proven fact.
General question, is there anyone that is pro-life that isn’t going to quote Bible passages and religious morals at me? I’d like to speak to them.
More common ground, so to speak.
I’m sure we could have a REAL conversation on the aspects of life and choice.
Annie, the only Person you really have to worry about is God. And He has already told you what He does to impenitent murderers. Don’t say He didn’t warn you.
Annie,
I’ll bite. Although I acknowledge that not only is there a God but He has a son that died for us, for the moment I can come down to your level and chat.
I got pregnant the summer of my junior year in high school. I was broke homeless-living out of my car and from house to house and had a dead beat boyfriend and oh yeah no family support. Everyone I knew told me to get an abortion, so that I could have a better future and my future children could have a better life. Call me old fashioned, but I believed my middle school health teacher that said SEX CAN LEAD TO PREGNANCY. I mean really, sex as found in the dictionary is defined by the act of producing offspring, right? All of nature does but yet just in the last 60 years humans, more specifally women, have believed the dilluion that they have some choice in the matter of whether life actually develops from the act. For thousands of years, human beings that have sex during that specific 72 hour period during that 28 day cycle would most likely produce a child. That is how we were made. If it was a choice then our bodies could naturally defer any fetilized egg from implanting and thus flush it from our wombs. There are certain species of mammals that can postpone the implantation for up to a year but women aren’t in that catagory. But a man, who as you quoted wrote the bible and thus is dillusional, came up with the concept of abortion and that women should be able to choose whether ot not they want to keep a fertilized embryo??
Thats like going to Sea World and sitting in the Splash Section and then being pissed because you got splashed…or demanding Samu not splash you cause even though it says SPLASH SECTION, dang it I dont want to be splashed and that’s my right. And the BEST reason you have for abortion was because it would set you back a SEMESTER OR TWO? Wow. Sorry kid, I was irresponsible and got pregnant and to save face in front of my friends and family I choose to abort because that way I wouldn’t have to face any consequences for my decisions cause frankly that is the society we live in. I want to do everything that feels good and not the reprocussions of anything.
Well, I choose inconvience, sucked it up, owned my decision to have sex in the first place and that child, my son is almost 11. I have two more biological children, one adopted and two foster. I couldn’t imagine looking at my younger two biological children and telling them I killed their bigger brother so that they could have a better future by allowing me to stay a tennager and enjoy my senior year.
And frankly dear ….ADOPTION IS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY. Not convenient….and I am sure would bring shame and make you look irresponsible but an option none-the-less. So, what exactly is your arguement??
the bible also makes a distinction between the value of unborn and born life.
a man who harmed a woman and causes a miscarriage could be SUED by the woman’s HUSBAND for MONETARY losses, but no punishment was enforced over the fact that the fetus was human, nor was there a punishment for harming the woman. however, were the same man to kill someone post-birth, the charge would be murder and the sentence would be death, usually by stoning.
the primary concern over causing the loss of an unborn was MONEY. if they were considering it to be murder, then the punishment would have been death. that’s simply not the case.
here is my take for you, Annie-
if you are not prepared to have children, not ready to be a mom just yet – you have no business having sex. it is as simple as that. there is your choice, right there.
to make the decision to have unprotected sex when you are not ready to bear and raise that child is one of the most selfish things a woman can do. was it worth that one roll in the mud? did the man you slept with not care enough about you – about the things you may have to go through should he impregnate you – to respect you and not participate?
just because a doctor has the means necessary to perform a procedure on you to end your pregnancy, does not make it and acceptable option. as someone who is involved in the adoption community, i can tell you with absolute certainty that your son or daughter would have been given all of the love in the world, would have been cherished and adored every day by his or her adoptive parents. there are many people out there that would jump through fire for a healthy baby of their own. why couldn’t THAT have been your choice?
Lastly, thank you Kelly for sharing your story. I think it is an important piece to the “pro-choice” puzzle that women need to hear.
Annie,
You used the term “I” or “me” more than 20 times in your comments. It is not about you, you idiot! It is about the baby you killed with such abandon and who you could only call this “one.” Murder is murder! You will always remember that you killed your child! Only God can forgive you.
Also, Annie you are helping to kill our nation by killing your child. Think about it. So far 52,000,000 babies have been killed by pro choicers. Look at the big picture!
So am I not an idiot because I repented and I regret my choice? Name-calling is not the way to go…
Annie, you aren’t an idiot. You made a choice that you may not regret now, but one day (whether it be on this side of heaven or not) I believe you will. But God’s love is the same for you as it is for the man with hatred in his heart.
~~Kelly
I like how you want people to feel sorry for you after you made a choice you didn’t like the consequences of. How mature.
I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me…I’m telling my story so that people can see that abortion doesn’t just kill a child…it hurts women too.
Cha, those who have been forgiven much, love much. I hope that Kelly has written her story in order to do her part in exposing the unfruitful deeds of darkness. What better way for someone who has sinned greatly to shine a light to point others AWAY from the evil of murder? I believe that Kelly wants to see other infants protected from harm & saved from abortion. Kelly can never bring her children back to life, but she can live in such a way to honor God & the memory of those babies. This is what we do when we LOVE. We tell the truth, even when it is shameful, in order to expose the lies. That is what she desires to do. How could you possibly find fault with her for that?
Cha, that is OBSCENELY uncalled for. no one makes it through life without making a choice they regret. this is HER regret and HER means of coping.
Jeez, I had an abortion and I’m fine. It wasn’t PLEASANT, but not everyone goes through this type of hell.
Get yourself together girlfriend! I recommend medication for you – you sound seriously chemically depressed.
I’m so sorry you killed your baby. I wonder if it was a boy or girl…Well, the little one is at peace now.
Nothing you say is factual. Abortion is legal, making your statement false.
If you’re so religious you might want to take the hateful statements down a notch. I hear god isn’t a fan of that behavior.
Laura, you brutally slaughtered your innocent helpless infant & you have no remorse? Shame on you! You are the one who needs help. You are guilty of pre-meditated murder. What depraved indifference to have no pity on the child of your womb! That baby was your flesh-and-blood child. He or she was a gift from God to you. Read Psalm 127:3. Unless you repent (confess & forsake all of your sins), you will perish in the lake of fire, where all murderers are sent. (Revelation 21:8) “It is given to man once to die, & then comes the judgment.” (Hebrews 9:27) Turn from your sin today, Laura, for you are not promised tomorrow.
Wow. Such loving comments from the pro-abortion side which claims to be “pro-woman”. Not too pro-woman are you when women don’t fit into your “abortion is awesome” mold, huh? This woman is telling her story. HER story, got it? No one is claiming that every woman who has an abortion feels the same grief. This woman is just saying that SHE feels grief and all you pro-abortion types want to bash her for it? Get a life! Learn to be a little compassionate, please.
Hey, I was nice about it. I’m just asking that she not try to pressure me into feeling guilty. (Which she hasn’t, I’m just putting it out there for everyone who’s read it)
I’m so sorry you have to listen to these hateful, angry abortion advocates. I guess by attacking you it makes them feel better about themselves. Pathetic. The internet is full of all the sick, hateful people in the world – finally they’ve found a place where they can spew their bile and someone will listen whether they want to listen or not.
Much love to you, and may you find peace some day. You may not forgive yourself yet, but God forgives.
Thanks so much for sharing your journey Kelly.
There’s always going to people who disagree with your response to your experience, and there are always going to be those who are unnecessarily nasty.
Nothing you can do about that.
But what you can do is what you are already doing, just sharing your heart and your perspective for the ones who do want to hear.
Thanks for doing this.
Continue to stand, showing love and sharing your story. Don’t worry about those who judge and abuse, they’re obviously not the ones who were “meant to hear”.
xx
I do not want this to be a blog or comment section where pro-lifers and pro-choicers sling mud and expletives at each other. No one has ever convinced someone of their stance when it is coated with anger and name-calling.
We do not battle flesh and blood and every time you speak hate, you are speaking that into a child of GOD, whether they agree with your point of view or not.
If we believe that abortion kills a child, then the respect I give a child in the womb should be the same respect that I give to someone who is pro-choice.
Thanks all…Kelly
I see the Roebots are wasting no time in condemning you and trying to silence you, Kelly. Props to you for speaking out. Amen, Sarah. Prowoman they ain’t. Women don’t matter to them. Only the agenda counts.
Keep sharing the truth, Kelly! Some people will recognize it and some won’t, but we must stand firm…no matter what.
You go, girl!
Hi Kelly
You are a brave woman to tell your story. There is help there in the U.S.A. Project Rachael and Rachael’s Vineyard are two organizaations that help women recover from abortion. Just Google them and see what you find.
Peace
Vince
Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for your losses. I can only imagine what it would be like to have gone through the realization of what you really “chose”…and the anger you may feel at being lied to by the money grubbing abortion industry.
I lost a baby through the action of the brith control pill. I wanted to prevent pregnancy, not abort a baby. After I learned my Pills didn’t work, I was actually happy to be pregnant. I was on the Pill because my ex husband wanted it that way-amazing how men have a lot to do with the “choices” we make! Later, when I began miscarrying, at 10 weeks, I rushed to the doctor’s office in tears…who said, “Well, you were on the Pill and this is what is does.” I was shocked. I was sad to be losing a baby and she was matter of fact. She told me that if the Pill doesn’t prevent ovulation (action 1) or prevent the sperm from reaching the uterus (2), then it prevents the baby from staying alive by thinning the lining of the uterus/his or her nutrition/attachment. (3) After trying to find the proof of what my dr. said I looked in the Physicians Desk Reference.
So, my baby was technically a chemical abortion, she said. Despite what I intended. I bear guilt for that and not educating myself on what I was taking. Had I know, I wouldn’t have used the Pill.
I think God will forgive you because you are asking Him and you are really sorry. You make no excuses and take responsibility for your actions. He is a loving Father!
It is Satan who keeps throwing it up in your face. What I think is that Satan wants you hiding and paralysed with fear and grief. God allows people to feel the consequences of their actions to transform them. So, you are just in the process of becoming a whole new creation…and it will get better.
I think you are very brave. I admire that.
Hi Mairin, I also was on the pill at my husband’s insistence. I also got pregnant while on the pill. I was fortunate to find out that I was pregnant through blood work at the doctor’s office when I was 11 days pregnant. So I stopped taking the pill in time to prevent an abortion and my son just turned 4. I did not know the pill could cause an abortion.It works by primarily preventing ovulation but its secondary function is to thin the lining of the uterus to prevent implantation. I found that out later when my doctor finally admitted to me that it could cause an abortion. In fact Plan B which prevents implantation of a newly conceived human is just heavier doses of birth control pills. While I did not lose my son I don’t know how many babies I unknowingly aborted while on the pill. We ask forgiveness and we receive. There is no sin too great for God to forgive and I take so much comfort in that.
Sweetheart, don’t hate yourself. God loves you, God forgives you. Trust in Him.
Thank you so very much for your courage and willingness to ‘come out’ on this difficult issue. You have taken one of the most important steps to heal, and God willing, others will follow suit. God never wastes anything, if you give Him all the pieces and let Him do what He will. And this is no exception! Bless you!
Love, Lisa,
Bristol UK
Hi Kelly
Thank you for your honesty and courage! WOW talk about an abortion connector..your experience with the news of Pendergraft was text book connector. Bringing up all about your own experiences..I have women who went through that when Tiller was murdered because they had gone to him.
As much as it may not feel it now you can have peace and joy again and you do not have to suffer forever. That is not God’s, or your children’s desire for you! They want you to be happy!Will you forget, no..but do you want to forget your children? Of course not..but you can remember without all the guilt and shame and be at peace with yourself your children and God.
Check out our site . I would also love to send you my testimony if you want it…In 20 years of doing post abortion work I have seen countless miracles of healing truly but I always say I am the biggest miracle I know!!!! All through the grace, mercy and forgiveness of God!
I will be praying for you!
It has been 21 years this December and I still fall into such a melancholy this time of year. I’m tired of people telling me to forgive myself, I do, I have, but how can you EVER forget and not miss that baby? How can you erase the sight of your own dead baby being taken out of the room in a glass container? How do you ever really “get over it”. The only people who tell me to move on are those who didn’t see what I saw, didn’t hear what I heard, didn’t do what I did.
I know God is a merciful Father, or I couldn’t go on, but I still have to wake up everyday without that child and know what I did.
Oh Rachel, it IS hard to live with the repercussions of our sin, even after we have repented & been born-again. I reckon this is like Jacob’s limp. For the rest of our lives we have the memento of our disgrace, which keeps us humble & needy before our Savior. This is one of the reasons that we go to the abortuaries to plead with the mothers & offer them help, by the grace & provision of Jesus Christ. We know that if the Lord uses us to help a mom turn from murdering her little one, that child will live & she will either have one less sin to remember if she is ever regenerated or have one less sin to be punished for in hell. Have you ever considered reaching out to aborting women at the local killing place? God can use you to save children & help moms through pregnancy. It’s a way to do restitution for what we have done. We cannot restore our baby’s life but we can, with help from Jesus, help to rescue other imperiled babies. It’s a healthy thing to turn our eyes away from self & reach out to our neighbor, in the Name of the Lord of Life.
There is healing for the Post Abortive woman. When I was young and post abortive, I slung the same crap but inside I DIED. I was dead until I turned 40 years old, when I found Jesus Christ – He knew my sins and I repented. I still grieve but I know that I don’t have to be the poster child for the stigma any longer. Now I can help others heal in their time of need when everyone else is finger pointing. God Bless you!
Hello: I’ve read through your recent blog concerning your abortion. Many of the comments that followed it are full of excellent advice and as a post abortive woman myself, I can only hope and pray that you will open your heart to the healing that they urge you to consider. Though in dispair which you so poignantly describe, by God’s grace you may well be a beacon of light for others in a crisis pregnancy. Stumbling across your candid comments some may well decide to choose life for their baby. Blessings, Suzanne
Thanks for your voice. I have a baby in heaven who would be 35 years old today. But because of Planned parenthood convincing a 15 year old girl it was nothing but a tissue, and a parent who thought it would “ruin her daughter’s future”. What ‘ruined my future’ was abortion.
get over it.
Annie wrote–If God is as good and great as He is supposed to be, He won’t tell me what I did was wrong. He will know my reasons, my thoughts, and my feelings.
If God is a s good and great as He is supposed to be, He can’t tolerate sin, Annie; neither yours nor mine. There is only one way to avoid His scrutiny, and that is to believe Him; to believe He has sent us His son to show us how deeply He loves us. In the crucifixion of Christ, God has taken the worst thing that has ever happened, and made it the best thing that ever happened.
In a very rel sense, that is what He has done with Kelly. Her experience has led her to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. And He did that for me as well, not because of abortion (and men can be equally as guilty of that) but with a multitude of other sins; selfishness, treating women as objects and not people made in God’s image, drinking, etc.
It is much better to seek the free gift of salvation than to keep trying to convince everyone that you are good; that your choice based on the “circumstance” was acceptable. The bad news is that circumstance=sin and the good news is that to regret/repent and accept Christ is salvation.
I am free from the sins of my past and I want you to be free, too. It’s not about judgment but the opposite, freeing you from it. God bless you.
http://moralscienceclub.blogspot.com/2010/11/solution-to-abortion.html
Your baby would not want you to self hate.
Or to self distruct.
Allow yourself a new mindset.
You can.
It is OK to.
The arms of the universe, of life, of God – are still open to you.
And will hug you and love you, still.
Allow yourself to be well now.
It’s OK to be.
Hi Kelly…I don’t know how much it will help for me to tell you that you are not alone. I am a member of the SilentNoMoreAwareness campaign, and have found comfort amongst other women who are dealing with these horrific memories and unbearable remorse. I have pledged to my baby Micah that I will help fulfill his earthly legacy by doing all I can to protect women and their unborn babies from the abortion industry. Thoughts of him give me strength and endurance during every hour of scorching heat or bitter cold on the sidewalk in front of “my” abortion clinic…courage during every minute that I stand in front of teenage girls at church or school giving my testimony and teaching about chastity and self-esteem…faith that I will survive. It is truly an honor to know you.
Kelly,
God can’t hate you because God is love itself. It is simply incompatible with who God is. And I believe that more than anything God wants you to be forgiven and find peace. He has forgiven you. He would take a bullet for you, too. In fact, he took a crucifixion for you. Your life, your very existence, is precious to God. I hope that you will truly believe this and that you are worthy of forgiveness. I will keep you and your family in prayer.
You are loved. You are prayed for.
Kelly, we don’t have the power or authority to forgive ourselves for sin. We cannot forgive our sexual immorality or any other of our sins … including murder. The only remedy for sinners like us is to repent (confess & forsake all of our known sins) & cry out to the only One who DOES have the power & Authority to forgive us through His Blood. Hebrews 9:22 declares “There is no remission (forgiveness, cleansing, atoning) of sin without the shedding of blood.” Jesus Christ, the Word made Flesh, has the answer. His perfect life & Blood speaks. Hear Him: “From that time Jesus began to preach and say, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.’” (Matthew 4:17) If you have savingly repented of sin & been born-again, you can be sure that Jesus Christ has borne your awful crimes against God & your children. Only those who continue in sin will be cast into the lake of fire. If you are born-again, Kelly, lift up your eyes to Christ, the beautiful innocent Lamb, & ask Him to help you forget about yourself. Gaze upon Thy Savior & share His saving gospel with everyone you know.
Kelly, you are a giant among mortals. May you be GODs light that shines.
Stan
Laurie, thanks for telling your story. I am so glad that you chose to accept the joyful responsiblity to love your son. I know that it wasn’t easy to live the incredibly sacrificial life as a dedicated mommy to your precious boy. I have been there & it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thank God for you!
Dear Kelly, you are truly blessed by God with the grace to regret your abortions and reach out to others with the truth and pain you have. Father Vince mentioned Rachel’s Vineyard and Project Rachel. Many women have found healing through them. Another place you can go is Silent No More, women who are in the same trial as yourself. I am sure Father Vince will continue to pray for you as you are a light in the darkness of the fallen culture effecting all of us especially our young people. Know that the Divine Mercy of Jesus is greater than our sins and failures, and when we ask for His Mercy, He will turn our sorrow into joy, our failures into victories, and bring good from everything we have suffered. Have a Mary Christ Mass, i.e., Merry Christmas. May God bless you and Mary keep you.
Kelly, i am terribly sorry that your abortion experience had this kind of effect on you. obviously abortion was not the needed option for you.
however, i can’t see how in the world you can heal with people who viciously sling around words like “murder”, “slaughter”, “baby killer” etc. (obviously this doesn’t reflect all prolifers). shed yourself of those negative people and give yourself opportunity to heal. i’m not saying forget your abortion or pretend it didn’t happen. i’m not saying go be happy about it. i’m not even saying be prochoice. i just really think that you’d be better able to heal if you weren’t bombarded with such vicious comments.
you’re Christian. you believe in forgiveness. if you believe this, God has already forgiven you. probably before you even knew how to ask. i firmly believe that that at this point, years after your abortion, the only person you need forgiveness from now is YOU. God knows your heart better than you do. and if your unborn is in heaven as you believe, they aren’t holding a grudge. God’s already explained it to them and they understand, i’m sure.
feel free to contact me if you want to talk. and please take care of yourself.
Rachel’s Vineyard is very good.
Pomegrenade… you are incorrect that the Bible makes a distintion between unborn and born human life. It does not. The passage of scripture you are referring to in Exodus says that if two men struggle and strike a woman who is pregnant and cause her fruit to depart BUT NO MISCHIEF FOLLOW means that if they accidentally hit a pregnant woman and her baby is born early (fruit departs) but the child lives (no mischief follows) then the man must pay a monetary fine for causing a perterm birth and putting the child’s health and life in danger. It is NOT referring to a miscarriage.
i really do not want to have to type up a list of scriptures that clearly state the biblical lesser value of the fetus, even infants up to one month old, in comparison to born children.
Actually, the Bible talks about a person having life even before conception.
Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Annie, you said that a council voted on books of the Bible centuries ago. This is true, however what most people are unaware of, is why this vote took place, and what really happened. It was the council of Nicea who sat down and carefully, painstakingly, prayerfully scrutinized every text, every chapter, every book that the author claimed to be the word of God. You see, Christianity was growing fast and strong, and there were greedy people who decided to write their own ‘book’ of the ‘bible’ to make some monetary gain off of it. i.e. Book of Judas… They cross-referenced and researched so carefully to be absolutely sure that a Book really had been written by men who God was speaking through.. the book of Esther almost didn’t make it. There was a book of Lazarus that was supposedly the autobiography of Lazarus, but upon study, the leaders realized that it had been written 100 years after the death of Lazarus.. kinda hard to write your autobiography when you’re dead.
Many people have used the Council of Nicea as their basis for not believing in the God of the Bible.
I found all of this information (minus the Book of Lazarus) in a book called ‘The Case for Christ’ by Lee Strobel, an avid atheist whose profession was journalism. He decided to put away pre-conceived notions and take a solid look at the Bible. His reasoning, ‘if this is the real deal, I don’t wanna miss out.. if it’s not, nothing will give me greater pleasure than exposing it.” (paraphrased). What he found amazed him, and me, and I’ve been a believer for years. I’d recommend this book for EVERYONE no matter what you believe. It answered questions I had.
I don’t know you, probably never will. I hope the best for you. I mean no unkindness towards you or anyone, no matter what they have or haven’t done. I would like for you to give God a good solid look-at, the way Lee did. You don’t feel any kind of guilt or remorse over your abortion.. ok. That’s your business. But everyone has SOMETHING in their life they aren’t happy about, something you just want PEACE about.. won’t you give Jesus a chance? He is so much kinder than any of us, absolutely gentle, knows EXACTLY what you need, and if there’s some behavior, habit, sin or whatever in your life that has to go, His forgiveness is the most divine thing. Unlike people, He will NOT let you down.
Kelly, you are very brave. I know how my sin(s) rears it’s ugly head up at me sometimes. If you have repented and asked for forgiveness through Christ, you have been granted it. My heart hurts for your hurt, and you know, Jesus was holding you during the abortion, weeping with and for you and the baby. That baby is safe with Him, that baby doesn’t know what you did, and that baby loves you. Your sin has been wiped away.
i to hate my self
Dear Mya…all I can tell you is that even in the dark hours when the self-hatred is SO strong, I’ve never doubted God’s love for me…or for anyone else. Nothing I am and nothing I’ve done is a surprise to Him, and His love has never faded because of it. Praying for you…
Annie,
This is a little off topic, but the Council of Nicea (325 AD) did not “vote” on the books of the New Testament. The Council of Nicea dealt with the Arian controversy and made procedures to govern the selection of bishops and deacons.
There was a Council of Laodicea (360 AD) in which a canonical list was produced, however, this was not a “vote” but an affirmation of a tradition affirming canonical lists go back much earlier than that.
There are liberals who have tried to put forth the idea of “many Gospels” — but the fat of the matter is that these Gnostic Gospels did not appear until then end of the second century. We see quotations of only the four Gospels in Christian writings beginning with Clement and the Didache (90 AD) and then in Ignatius, Polycarp, Papias Barnabas (110 to 130 AD).
Later Christian apologists such as Irenaeus and Tertullian wrote that the church fathers still alive at the beginning of the second century who had known the Apostles were the ones who transmitted the canon.
The earliest canonical list is form about this time and is known as the Muratorian fragment (c. 170 AD). It’s called a “fragment” because it ends abruptly because that part of it is missing. Perhaps because of that it does not mention Hebrews, 1&2 Peter and James (although it does mention Jude which is associated with James).
However, we know that Hebrews and 1 Peter were thought to be canonical even in the first century. Hebrews is one of the most widely quoted books by Clement. So there is good evidence that the canon we know today was widely accepted in the second century.
Now 2000 years later some dispute this, but it is speculative and without any documentary evidence.
http://www.bible-researcher.com/muratorian.html
I think our prayer for those who have been deceived into proliferating abortion in any way should mirror the Ravensbruck Prayer.
O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will, but also those of ill will. But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted on us; remember the fruits we have bought, thanks to this suffering – our comradship, our loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart that has grown out of all of this, and when they come to judgment let all the fruits we have born be their forgiveness.
Prayer written by an unknown prisoner in Ravensbruck concentration camp and left by the body of a dead child.
Perhaps when we show that we are on their side as well as God’s side, they can better see Christ at work in us.
I have read the story and all the comments on this site. Call it what it is….a Pro Life Abortion site. I am not religious and I don’t believe in God and yet I never had nor would I have ever had an abortion. That is me. I am not scared of God’s wrath, as in my mind he does not exist. Despite my personal views on abortion I would never impose my views on any woman on this planet. You don’t have to be religious to have moral values and having an abortion does not make you evil. There are millions of stories out there, each unique to that woman and I for one would not judge anyone’s decision. So tell me, why is it that you fervent religious pro life individuals believe in the death penalty. Murder is never okay you say yet I know that many of you are pro death penalty. The biggest hypocrisy of all. I wish no one ill, leave people to make their own judgements of what is best for them not you or your views.
Hi Louise, I am curious if you would not have an abortion yourself why is that? Does it make you uncomfortable? If so, why? And yet you would not “impose” your views on other women. Are you against child abuse? If so, why? And yet would you call police on a woman who is beating and starving her children? Isn’t that ‘imposing” your views on those mothers?
I am not trying to impose myself on others but when I see injustice I will speak out. When there are those who by right of their might harm or kill others I will speak out. Whether born or unborn. And you are wrong to lump all pro-lifers into one kettle concerning the death penalty. Pro-lifers are very divided on that issue. And the difference with the death penalty is that you are dealing with a convicted murderer who has killed others versus an innocent baby growing in his mommy’s belly who never harmed a soul.
You say you believe in morality but not in God. Who do you think determines morality? Who says what is right and what is wrong? Whose standards do we live by? Is it a free for all, whatever suits you? Then who says murder and rape is wrong? For some murder and rape is no big deal. Do you dare to impose your views on those folks? Why?
Just so you know, this isn’t a religious pro-life website. It’s a blog about my life…my experiences, my questions, my doubts & fears.
Also, I do not believe in the death penalty.
Kelly,
I just wanted to give you support and encouragement as you walk through this. I too had an abortion, and just recently, God has been speaking to me about sharing my story with other hurting women. Your blog came at a very timely point in my journey, and I want to thank you for your courage and strength that can only come from the Lord. Thank you for being obedient and speaking out about this all too “taboo” issue.
May God richly bless you and uplift you as you fight the good fight!
Lolly, praise God for your beautiful truth from Jeremiah 1:5. How amazing & marvelous that we are known by the Lord even before our father’s sperm penetrates our mother’s egg! I like to explain to abortion-bound women that they, like their little one, are DESIGNED by God before they are CREATED. Just like an artist has an idea in his mind before he sketches or paints or sculpts his work of art, God conceives of US & each new person in the womb before fertilization. What a great & wondrous truth! Nobody is a ‘mistake’ or an ‘accident’ or even ‘unwanted’, because it is the Creator Himself who ‘wanted’ each human being to be conceived. Glory to God! Let us live in true thankfulness for the sustaining life power of Christ, in which we live & move & have our being.
I guess I’m somewhat of a judgmental person — every man out there, with so much as one dollar in his wallet, who places himself in superior judgment of any young, unprotected, impoverished and/or frightened young woman, or, who threatens her, as self-appointed agent for whomever, with the wrath of God, that he might quench his fornications by throwing stones that God Himself could not throw, which young woman, for whatever reason, mostly hormonal shock and bone-shaking fear, decided to choose, or thought she chose, to abort her pregnancy … that man, with a dollar in his wallet, is, alas, I say, a total hypocrite, a crawling coward beneath contempt … he parades his own morality, yet for sake of his wallet he has none.
I do not put down the God-given powers or impugne the dignity of the female in any way when I say, the primary cause of abortion is the cowardice of men. That is the real epidemic in this country, that no one will talk about. How can the current epidemic of fear in women not but follow the epidemic of cowardice in men. Free trade economics … cultural free sex … it’s all the same thing. Young unprotected women are forced to make their decisions based not on protected love, but on unprotected fear … they spread their legs, not out of love or desire to have a “great time,” … mostly they are spreading their legs because they are afraid! of being of alone, or unprotected. Many even settle on their marriage partner, and make the best out of … a larger environment of fear. Whom are they to choose as their mate, when all of their possible suitors are pretty boyx, liars, hucksters, fast-buck or even shakedown artists … cowards all. Abortions, whether inside or outside the protections of the institution of marriage, are also driven by fears which the abortionists know how to amplify …. greed, lust, etc are all just smokescreens for an underlying fear. That fear in young unprotected is caused by one thing … it’s not God … it’s cowardice in men, even men who say they love God. That IS the real epidemic of this country.
As a competition fornicator in high school and college, you may call me leader of the pack in that regard.
Lastly … abortion is but a small part of a larger continuum … it is but a small part of a larger war on human consciousness. ALL human consciousness comes into this world through a female uterus, which is connected to a female heart and brain organ. To run a war against consciousness, which God wants awakened in us, it has to be run against women. Thus, our post-modern American culture is pure misogyny. Its roots go much deeper than most women, and most men (if there are any left that aren’t cowards), can imagine. It includes vaccination (as a means of disempowering consciousness), it includes organized pedophilia and homosexuality (which homosexual gangs are run by doctors and police and are used to extort our politicians and ministers and teachers), it includes modern obstetrical procedures of our hospital maternity wards (now the MOST UNSAFE place that a pregnant female can give birth to a child), such such violent and disempowering procedures as c-section, and pitocin, and early chord clamping (keeping blood in the placenta, where it is sold, rather than letting blood reserves belonging to baby be returned to baby, which occurs only when the placenta is given its proper and natural vaginal birth), and episiotomies (which include vaginal cutting), and epidurals (which abort the consciousness of the mother), and foreceps, and infant male genital mutilation (a form of deep psychological violence against the limbic or emotional brain organ of an infant, which incidentally disempowers the mother more than it physically hurts baby, and it hurts baby!). And of course, abortion fits in with the wider depraved economic culture of the Pentagon-Wall St. war machine, and eugenics, which is mainly promoted by homosexuals, pedophiles and cowards.
In this Pentagon-Wall St. culture, called misogyny, it is not men in general who are at war with women … but it just that “men” (sperm donors really) who are too bought off and cowardly to standup and protect their women and children. When in the course of a nation, there is so much as one abortion done for fear by a young, frightened pregnant female, then ALL men of that nation may be judged rightly by God, on that judgment day, when it comes, as the cowards that they are.
Kelly, I just heard you and your husband speak today in Santa Fe. You know of God’s forgiveness, but what you and he spoke about so passionately is the fact that abortion is so often hidden, and that women suffer alone for fear of abusive behavior by both those in the Christian and secular communities. These are my paraphrased words of what you said.
I still grieve for the babies I lost to miscarriage, especially the ones I lost after I hoped for one. That hoped for miscarriage turned into happiness when I heard a strong heartbeat. Yet, that young man is the most troubled of my four living children. I hated myself each time I miscarried, just from my earlier anger over first being pregnant.
How much more I would have suffered if I had actually aborted, I can’t fathom. I know I’ve come to terms with all this, and know of God’s forgiveness. And, though he has had difficulties, this wonderful son is the kindest, most thoughtful of my kids. God is good; all the time He is good. It is we humans who are often cruel. God bless you and your husband for speaking out, not in hatred or nastiness, but with compassion. You will be blessed one day to meet your children in Heaven. I believe they will say, along with Christ: Well done, good and faithful servants.
I didn’t have a choice. I miscarried. I made the foolish choice of having unprotected sex with my fiancee, and miscarried at about 6 weeks. I will always wonder about that child, who would be about 7 months old by now, and I pray that my baby would forgive me for not taking the proper precautions when I even “felt” I was pregnant.
As for everyone screaming scripture at the women who have had abortions, they aren’t Christians, and are simply laughing at the fact that you’re trying to convince them of something they don’t believe by quoting the same argument they constantly hear from pro-lifers. That’s not the way to do it. There will always be people who want the option to get away from bad consequences, and they’ll find any means possible to do so.
I don’t think abortion is right, but I would much rather it be legal, and SAFER for the mother than it be illegal and done anyway, in an alley or any insterile environment, with serious medical risks to the mothers.
Remember, God said love one another, even as I have loved you- If He loved JUST Christians, and JUST people who always followed His laws, there’d be no one for Him to love, because ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. He loves everyone, no matter their sin, no matter their lifestyle- yes, there will be punishment, there will be judgement, but it’s not OUR place to do it. If at some point, any of these women who have had an abortion look back and regret their choice, and ask forgiveness, they will also be seated at the right hand of God the Father.
Kelly, you are loved. There’s no cause for self-hatred- your baby has forgiven you, and will be waiting with open arms when you step into Heaven. Until that time- MAKE your pain your purpose, and keep telling your story.